Photo courtesy of sheknows.com
Two enormously good things came out of my marriage:
1) A divorce. (Bazing!)
2) I finally learned how to apply make-up.
Since the first item on this list is self-explanatory, I’ll delve into the second item.
When I got married I knew I needed someone to do my make-up because I’ve never been that good at the whole makeup thing. “How do you know this, Jennifer, since you sound perfect in every way shape and form?” you may be asking. It’s because when I was a teenager I wore blush. All over my face. (Yes. You read that right. Commence judging.)
To say that makeup was important in the 80s is a gross understatement. It was riddled with pretty boys wearing more make-up in one music video than I ever would for the rest of my natural life. Now, I have had an interest in makeup ever since my experience with the Decapitated Barbie Head; however, my mom did not share in my enthusiasm and didn’t wear makeup herself. So as a rule, there was no makeup in our house until I was in 9th grade and then, AND ONLY THEN, was I allowed one piece of make-up (other than my fancy black tube of Chapstick), and that item was blush.
Now let’s keep in mind that in 9th grade my skin wasn’t what you call “Molly Ringwald Fresh.” Nay friends, I was the stereotypical nerd wearing the ski mask of benzoyl-peroxide resistant acne. (Gosh I have no idea why I wasn’t asked to prom…) So obviously, blush wasn’t really something I needed in my beauty arsenal as I had enough of it naturally, thank you very much. So when it was time to buy my (needless) blush I bought it in what can best be described as “toxic orange.” Stick with me on this as I had a plan.
Said plan involved sneaking my nuclear orange blush to school and applying it before homeroom in the bathroom ALL OVER my face like it was foundation. (I never said it was a good plan.) I was under the misguided advice of a girlfriend (who in hindsight I should have never taken a beauty tip from in the first place) that this dark blush would have the same effect as foundation. Long story short: it wasn’t. To really help you get a visual on what this looked like you should know that without makeup my skin is translucent and slightly blue. (Seriously, blue.) So after applying this very wrong colored blush over the topography that was my teenage face, and add to the picture my black bushy eyebrows… well frankly I looked like Ernie from Sesame Street, but without the big smile.
Sigh…. Back to my mistake… er, marriage. The makeup artist I found (who was wonderful) showed me what color blush to wear and WHERE to put it. (I always put it on lower than it should be! I blame this on watching too many Twisted Sister music videos.)
So fast forward to 20 years later after my high school makeup debacle and I’m pretty happy and confident with my makeup skills nowadays. I base this on the fact that nobody has mistaken me for a Muppet as of late. This, friends, is progress.
By Jennifer Eolin