When Your Imaginary Boyfriend is Barack Obama

We tried “running into” Valerie Jarrett at the Karma Beauty Lounge over a mani/pedi. We’ve flirted with Secret Service agents.  We’ve even applied to be dog walkers for Sunny and Bo… because when you have an undying uber-crush on the swaggerlicious Barack Obama, you’ll do just about anything. Never before have we felt so swoony about a President.

As his stay in the White House comes to a close (we shake our fists at you, damn term limits!), instead of ogling over Pete Souza’s photos like a crazy ex-girlfriend we thought we’d let up on the cyber stalking and share our appreciation with you.  Here are the five things we will miss most about our beloved Barack:  

  1. His Integrity

The Obama administration has not produced one major scandal.  Yes, our man is imperfect and Guantanamo has not been closed, but Obama has committed fully to the job, pushing the legislation he could, restoring international relations that were damaged under Bush and ushering in an economic recovery after the U.S. teetered on the brink of financial disaster. Like a good protector, he brought down Osama bin Laden.  Even his executive orders smack of a guy trying to improve the world rather than secure his own legacy. Sigh.

And forget torrid affairs, corruption or other shenanigans — our guy is clean, clean, clean.  And perhaps more than anything, he has done his legislative best in spite of the Tea Party, a Congress spilling over with spoiled brats and a country still wrestling with racism.  Our man meets every challenge with dignity and grace. That’s hot.

  1. His Big Ol’ Brain

Few Presidents are actual slackers in this department. Bill Clinton was a Rhodes Scholar and Woodrow Wilson had a Ph.D., but our guy holds his own with them, having graduated from Columbia then Harvard Law School. A professor of Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago before going into politics, he had written his first of many books by the time he was 34.  We want him whispering his ideas into our ears in front of a crackling fire on a bearskin rug.  Obama’s brain is a beautiful thing.

  1. His Oratory Skills

We may never hear another Prez with so much finesse in the speech department for the rest of our lives.  His style is soothing, hypnotic and rhythmic, allowing his words to penetrate deeply. It was this powerful oratory that helped him get elected in a time when President Bush had alienated so many. We dare you not to get chills watching him utter his campaign mantra.

During his presidency, Obama gave speeches on the state of the union, mass shootings and racial tension with skill and gravitas, but he also had the comedic chops to kill at the annual Correspondents Dinner in D.C.  Who doesn’t love a guy who can make a girl laugh?

Although all his speeches are memorable, perhaps the most moving was his eulogy in Charleston after the tragic shootings there in 2015.  He speaks for 37 minutes (every one of them worth watching), but you can also start at minute 26. His humanity, compassion and ability to unite the audience in a time of grief are extraordinary.  The dude is deep with a high EQ (emotional quotient).   

  1. His Style

We’re not just talking about how he dresses, although he’s a snappy POTUS.  His style speaks of his character, and Obama is nothing if not cool. How many Presidents can outdo Jimmy Fallon slow-jamming the news?  How many can play hoops like this?

And how many First Dads go out and shop for their ladies?  It makes us gnaw on our knuckles.

Handsome, funny and downright sexy, if he weren’t the Commander-in-Chief, Obama could have his own TV show and we would watch it every single night.

  1. He’s a Unicorn

This isn’t exactly a fifth quality, but more an appreciation of the fact that all the above assets magically coalesced within one human being.  Our imaginary boyfriend is almost too good to be true.  Sure, some Presidents are fantastic in many ways—but few express so many great qualities while displaying so few flaws.  Oh, and like other swoon worthy dudes, he’s a feminist (obvi)!  

So as he moves on to the next phase, we wish him (and Michelle and the girls) all the best.  Thank you, Mr. President, for all you are and all that you’ve done.  Though he may not recognize we were meant to be soul mates, we are happy he is with Michelle and has two of the loveliest girls on the planet.  Good thing Michelle recognizes Barack is such a unicorn.  

Obama out.  *sniffle*

What will YOU miss the most when Barack Obama ends his lease on Penn Ave.?

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